Whew. Glad I Remembered to Check:
Well, shucks. She may have gone down in flames as a fortuneteller, but I hope she’s looking on the bright side: she gets to spend the rest of her life with—[Checks notes]—Eric.
Thoughts and prayers, ma’am.
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, January 20, 2021
Note: It's reigning Dems. Hallelujah.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til inauguration day: Zero
Percent chance that health experts expect the new, more contagious variant of the coronavirus to be the dominant strain in America by March: 100%
Percent of Americans polled by Quinnipiac who believe racism played a role in the Republican insurrection at the Capitol on January 6th: 69%
Percent in the same poll who hold Trump responsible for inciting the violence against the government: 59%
The last year that a president's inauguration took place under sunny skies: 1993
Years since the White House was pet-less, as it was during Trump's single term: 155
Pounds of pepperoni Hot Pockets that were recalled because consumers found glass and pieces of hard plastic in some: 762,000
D.C. Inauguration Day Forecast
Mostly sunny with a light breeze
High: 44
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Mid-week Rapture Index: 185 (including 4 beast governments and 1 college football game that secured Trump's second term…guaranteed!). Soul Protection Factor 46 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Ready!!!
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CHEERS to history in the making of the making of history: American HERstory edition. Some old white dude is getting sworn in as president at noon today at the Capitol. Love ya, Joe, but been there, done that. The real showstopper will be Kamala Harris, who becomes the first woman—woman of color, no less—to take the oath as Vice President. (And her husband Doug will become, I believe, the first Second Gentleman.) Adding to the sentiment of the moment will be her swearing-in by the first Latina Supreme Court Justice. Sonia Sotomayor will do the honors, and if you’re wondering what it’ll be like, here’s an approximation circa 2013, as she practices administering the oath to...I dunno, some White House coffee getter or something:
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During her swearing in, Kamala will use a bible that belonged to Justice Thurgood Marshall. Bring a hankie.
JEERS to a big waste of everyone's time. Revealing how despised and abandoned the "Greatest President in History" has become, Donald Trump—his orange luster tarnished and his frame more Hunchback of Notre Dame than Healthiest Man In America—had to say "b'bye" to America via video, having failed in his final mission to fill a room with cronies and family members still loyal to him because of the will. Realizing that he would never say the words Americans wanted to hear most—"Sorry" and "It was all just a bad dream"—I just kept saying, "Shut up, shut up, please just shut up." A few minutes later, he did shut up! I wish I could've been that influential on him four years ago.
CHEERS to thanksgiving—the state of mind, not the holiday. As in, thank goodness it was a Democrat—FDR—taking the oath of office for an unprecedented fourth time on January 20, 1945. He was 15 years younger than Joe Biden is now. But, boy, you can really see how the depression and World War II just wrung the life right out of him. He wouldn’t last even three months past his swearing-in:
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We're sorry he had to be the one to find out that three terms is enough to kill a man. But thanks for winning a war worth fighting—and Social Security. Meanwhile, 60 years ago today, JFK gave his one and only inaugural address, during which he said: "Ask not what your country can do for you—ask what you can do for your country." I plan to heed his mandate today by baking 328 million cupcakes.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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CHEERS to small town celebrations. 40 years ago today, on January 20, 1981, 52 Americans held hostage in Iran for 444 days were finally freed. One of them, Bert Moore, lived in my hometown—Mt. Vernon, Ohio—and his son was in my class. As historians remind us, President James Earl Carter—NOT President Ronald Fucking Reagan as revisionist-history Republicans want you to believe—was responsible for negotiating the deal, and flew to Germany to welcome the hostages as they landed. I love this pic:
The homecoming celebration for Bert Moore at our high school gymnasium (I played baritone horn on 'Tie A Yellow Ribbon ‘Round the Old Oak Tree' as John Glenn and Howard Metzenbaum tapped their toes in approval) was Americana personified. Some days you just never forget.
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Ten years ago in C&J: January 20, 2011
JEERS to the noble opposition. I don’t want the Republicans on Capitol Hill to feel left out as we commemorate the completion of Year Two of the Obama administration. So let's remind ourselves and our nation of the contribution they've made as a party to the homeland—once on the brink of a second Great Depression—to help us get back on our feet in a new era of bipartisanship, patriotism, can-do'ism and civic responsibility:
[bellybutton lint]
The party of personal responsibility comes through for us again. Crank up the Sousa.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to a final comment. I just wanted to say something before we all head off to change into our tuxes and ball gowns for the big event.
Thank You.
With the almighty Flying Spaghetti Monster as my witness, we made it—gasping and wheezing and scuffed and scraped—to the finish line. And by "we" I mean C&Jers, the Kos community at large, progressive blogs and think tanks, allies in Congress, liberal pundits, late-night hosts...and Randy Rainbow. Together we fought back against the Trumps and Stephen Millers and Sean Hannitys and Franklin Grahams and infomercial grifters and the seditious red-hatted cult. And we won.
Thank You.
I will never forget how close the Republicans came to stomping our faces into the sidewalk as they marched to become a "permanent majority." Watching it happen day after excruciating day as our lazy traditional-media let too much of it slide. (It took editors three years to even green-light the word "lie," of which Trump told over 25-thousand) Wanting to set their pants on fire to get their attention. Knowing that certifiable insanity was being treated as serious governance. It was my vision of hell. And yours.
Thank You.
I started this column in December of 2003 as a simpleminded way to mock the powerful by laughing at them...and, in so doing, possibly keep my brain from exploding. It was, and continues to be, one of the most sophomoric daily columns on the internets. But here we are nearly two decades later, relatively intact and looking out over a horizon that's brighter today than it was yesterday.
Thank You.
As Joe Biden says: It's time to get to work and start building back better. Indeed it is. And what a thrill to be here to share not only this moment of progressive American history with you, but the history from which we've just emerged (dark as it was) and the unknown history into which we're headed. There will only be one January 20, 2021. It will be very emotional and historic and, with 25,000 troops milling around, weird. Very weird. But that's okay. We made it. We’re in capable hands now. And besides, weird is our middle name.
And don’t forget: hydrate, hydrate, hydrate. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
"…and will to the best of my ability preserve, protect, and defend the kiddie pool of Cheers and Jeers."
—President Joe Biden, Today at Noon
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Source: Daily Kos
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