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Qatari billionaires and corrupt heiress not included. But they can be bought.
Cheers and Jeers forThursday, October 29, 2020
Note: Today is Cranky Co-workers Day. Or as the 50 monkeys with typewriters in my employ call it: Thursday.
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By the Numbers:
29 days!!!
Days 'til Thanksgiving: 29
Average daily number of new covid cases over the past week, the highest amount since the pandemic started: 71,000
Gov. Steve Bullock (D)-Steve Daines (R) matchup numbers in the U.S. Senate race in Montana, per new PPP polling: 48%-47%
Biden-Trump matchup numbers in Nevada, according to new NYT-Siena College polling: 49%-43%
Rank of witch, dinosaur, and Harley Quinn among most-searched Halloween costumes for 2020: #1, #2, #3
Rank of the northeast, Midwest, and western U.S., when it comes to the most popular regions for haunted houses: #1, #2, #3
Sales of Barbie dolls in the third quarter, the highest quarterly total since 2003: $500 million
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Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:
It seems to me what we are looking at was put best by noted journalist Bill Moyers, formerly of Marshall, Texas, who was back home recently and observed that the Republican right came to Washington to start a revolution and stayed to run a racket.
It has become a game of ideological flim-flam, a scam in which all manner of distracting hoo-hah—abortion, judicial activism, even “the war on terra”—is used to obscure the fact that the government has been taken over by people who are using it to make money for themselves and their friends.
In the business world, this is called “control fraud,” and it refers to an organization, like Enron or Tyco, that is rotten at the head. One of the key figures in this web of malfeasance is Jack Abramoff, the super-lobbyist, top fund-raiser for Bush’s re-election and close buddy of Rep. Tom DeLay, himself the architect of the “K Street Strategy” to convert the entire business lobby into the fund-raising arm of the Republican Party in return for whatever legislative favors the major donors want.
CHEERS to the #1 story of the day, week, month, and year. (Your time frame may vary.) When Jon Stewart signed off from The Daily Show in 2015, he imparted this final thought: "I say to you tonight, friends: the best defense against bullshit is vigilance. If you smell something, say something." Those words have guided C&J throughout the Trump years, but few people could slice and dice our political villains like he could. So this is welcome news:
Jon Stewart is headed back to our TV sets.
New popcorn-eating gifs are coming!
As part of an expansive, multiyear deal with Apple TV+, the Emmy-drenched former writer, producer and host of The Daily Show is set to front an all-new current affairs series for the streaming service. The show, which will run for multiple seasons, puts Stewart back in the anchor’s chair as he explores a host of topics at the center of both the national conversation and his own advocacy work.
Responded the old people: "What the hell is Apple TV+?" Responded the young people: "What the hell is a TV set?"
JEERS to stranding your base. Sensing that there were several thousand Republicans in Nebraska who were just itching to develop flu-like symptoms and then drown in their own lung fluid after a prolonged and agonizing stay in the ICU, President Trump flew Air Force One in for a super-spreader reelection campaign rally Tuesday night. Then he boarded his luxurious craft and flew out. What happened next will…..okay, it won’t shock you in the least:
President Trump took off in Air Force One 1 hr 20 minutes ago, but thousands of his supporters remain stranded on a dark road outside the rally. “We need at least 30 more buses,” an Omaha police officer just said, shaking his head at the chaotic cluster that is unfolding.
So Trump's Omaha rally stranded thousands of his own supporters and several elderly ones now have hypothermia and it's a full blown medical emergency with police and ambulances everywhere.
I think this will be the event that finally convinces his cult that he doesn't give a crap about them. And just to be clear: that last sentence wins the Pulitzer for Funniest Punchline of 2020.
CHEERS to the fed-up female. On today's date in 1966, the National Organization for Women (NOW) held its first conference and adopted its original Statement of Purpose in Washington D.C. That purpose: to help reduce the extent to which men are allowed to act like pigs...
We, men and women who hereby constitute ourselves as the National Organization for Women, believe that the time has come for a new movement toward true equality for all women in America, and toward a fully equal partnership of the sexes, as part of the world-wide revolution of human rights now taking place within and beyond our national borders.
A lot of women have worn down a lot of shoe leather marching for NOW. And they’re just getting started.
The purpose of NOW is to take action to bring women into full participation in the mainstream of American society now, exercising all the privileges and responsibilities thereof in truly equal partnership with men.
We believe the time has come to move beyond the abstract argument, discussion and symposia over the status and special nature of women which has raged in America in recent years; the time has come to confront, with concrete action, the conditions that now prevent women from enjoying the equality of opportunity and freedom of choice which is their right, as individual Americans, and as human beings.
Today NOW is “the largest organization of feminist grassroots activists in the United States” with “actions and positions on the issues that are principled, uncompromising and often ahead of their time.” We completely agree. But as usual, ladies, today I'm still gonna open the door for ya.
CHEERS to conga lines for democracy. If things continue on their present trajectory, 100 percent of Americans will have voted by election day and we'll all be sitting around next Tuesday with our thumbs up our butts waiting for the ballots to be counted. 2020 will be noted in the history books as the election that came with an intensity that not even a Republican-enabled pandemic could tamp down. I've enjoyed Google-news'ing the word "turnout" to see the headlines attached to it. Here are some more of the latest for the C&J time capsule:
» Georgia sees surge in Black voter turnout
» Staggering early vote turnout boosts hopes for Biden in Texas
» 50% turnout expected [to be reached] today for in-person early voting [in North Carolina]
» North Carolina on track for record turnout of youth voters
We are. We are. We are. We are.
» Could 2020 be highest turnout election in a century?
» Long lines, record-breaking voter turnout across the Tri-State
» Absent voter turnout significantly higher than 2016 election
» Kansas City early voting update: experts predict record election turnout
» Turnout stays high in Maryland for day 2 of early voting
» Tennessee sets record for early, mail voting turnout
» Alabama voters predicted to eclipse election-day turnout records
» Oregon, Washington see voter turnout of at least 40%
…along with tons of similar headlines for specific towns and counties across the country. In the immortal words of the guy all this turnout is going to turn out: we'll see what happens.
CHEERS to a pleasant evening at the ballpark. I admit it—I was rooting for the blue state team over the red state team. There’s nothing in the Book of Life that says I gotta be rational about it. So congratulations,Los Angeles—THE DODGERS WIN THE SERIES!!! THE DODGERS WIN THE SERIES!!! THE DODGERS WIN THE SERIES!!! First time since 1988.
The final tally: four games to two. Which, spoiler alert, is what the margin of victory will be for the Red Sox next year over the Dodgers. That's just freaky.
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Ten years ago in C&J:October 29, 2010
CHEERS to the public service letter of the day:
Dear America,
Hello! We hope you're enjoying the fall colors and the cool breezes as the year begins to wind down. Everyone here at the Air Force Command sure loves it. Soon people young and old will be dressing up as ghouls and goblins for Halloween and then, before you know it, Thanksgiving will be here.
May the memories of the season bring you joy for years to come.
Sincerely,
Your Friends at the United States Air Force
How thoughtful.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to previews of awesome coming attractions. Do you have any freaking idea what happened a few years after the rebels blew up the second Death Star and saved the galaxy in Return of the Jedi? Do you? Do you??? Me neither!!! So I can tell you the midichlorians in my bloodstream are just wriggling and wraggling with glee in anticipation of season two of The Mandalorian premiering at midnight on Disney+. It chronicles the further adventures of a bounty hunter and his traveling companion Baby Yoda as he bounties and hunts his way across the galaxy in search of someone who understands him—I mean, really understands him. Take a look:
Oh, and don’t even think of paying for Disney+. Just waggle your hands over the online application and murmer, "You don’t need to see my credit card number. You will connect me now. I can go about my business." Or if that doesn’t work, find a neighbor who has it and dust off your binoculars.
Have a nice Thursday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
Obama roasts Trump for Cheers and Jeers feud: “How can he stand up to dictators when he thinks Bill in Portland Maine is a bully?"
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