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"While being interviewed by Leslie Stahl, President Trump told aides that he thought the interview would be cut up to make him look bad. For example, they could make him sound really stupid by cutting from one of her questions to his answer." —Seth Meyers
"If you're keeping score, Trump has attacked 60 Minutes, doctors, and the postal service. At this point seniors are like, 'do you want us to vote for you or not? Just tell us.' Seriously, if you're trying to win the senior vote, you can't insult 60 Minutes. That's like trying to win the youth vote by banning TikTok. Oh wait, he did that, too." —Jimmy Fallon
Continued...
"This guy is a dog whistle as big as a fog horn." —Joe Biden on Trump at last night’s debate
"Trump says and does a lot of dumb things. But we should never let his stupidity overshadow the fact that he's also a heartless monster who must be driven from office. Last year a federal judge ordered the government to reunite parents and children that had been separated by the Trump administration. The lawyers just came back to him and explained that the parents of 545 children separated at the U.S. border still can't be found. Think about the sheer number here: 545 kids. That's not a child on a milk carton, that's the whole dairy aisle." —Stephen Colbert
"This week Trump held more coronavirus giveaways across the country as part of his Herd Immunity Tour. He started in Florida and showed how healthy his brain is, saying, 'They say I'm immune, I feel so powerful!' Yeah, nothing says I'm off steroids like saying 'I feel so powerful' like Sloth from The Goonies." —Colin Jost, SNL
"The RNC and Trump's campaign plan is to spend at least 20-million dollars on legal battles combating voting rights. As always, they're doing it under the guise of preventing 'widespread voter fraud,' which doesn’t exist. Voter fraud is basically the 'imaginary girlfriend who lives in Canada' of right-wing politics. Everyone knows it's fake, but that doesn't stop Republicans from yanking off to it." —Samantha Bee
"According to The New York Times, Donald Trump has an undisclosed Chinese bank account. Between 2013 and 2015 he paid China more than $188,000 in taxes. Now that we've found out he's a longtime Chinese taxpayer, Trump has every right to be furious about China's response to the coronavirus—he's practically a citizen of their country." —Jimmy Kimmel
And a little daytime snark:
“Can you imagine if I had a secret Chinese bank account? They’d call me Beijing Barry.” —President Obama, campaigning for Biden inPhiladelphia
And now, our feature presentation...
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Cheers and Jeers forFriday, October 23, 2020
Note: Whistle while you work, Hitler is a jerk, Trumpolini broke his weenie now it doesn't work. That story, plus the Bayside neighborhood gets a new skate park and a chilly weekend ahead, tonight on Newscenter.
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By the Numbers:
Voting ends in 11 days. 48 million Americans have already done the deed.
Days 'til voting ends: 11
Biden's lead over Trump in the latest Fox News polls in Michigan, Wisconsin, and Pennsylvania, respectively: +12, +5, +5
Minimum amount that ActBlue has processed in political donations over the last month: $900million
Amount that lawyers from Jones Day, which has earned millions representing the Trump campaign, have donated to Joe Biden's campaign, compared to just fifty dollars (sic) donated to Trump's: $90,000
Amount Trump has donated to his own campaign: $8000
Number of states in which legal marijuana is on the ballot this year: 4 (AZ, MT, NJ, SD)
Percent chance that Peanuts fans are upset because the comic strip's TV holiday specials are all being corralled into the Apple+ streaming service: 100%
CHEERS to your pleasant thought for the weekend. There hasn’t been a whole lot of attention focused on House races (relative to Senate and POTUS races), mainly because there's virtually no chance that America is in any mood to reinstall Devin Nunes, Jim Jordan, Kevin McCarthy, Steve Scalise or their ilk as majority leaders in the chamber. But it's still nice to see confirmation that Team D is in good shape to keep a firm grip on the Speaker's gavel. Two endorphin-tingling paragraphs via David Leonhardt's New York Times morning email:
It's not just the public polls. Recent private polls conducted by political campaigns are filled with bad news for President Trump. He is doing eight to 10 percentage points worse in many congressional districts than he did in 2016, Dave Wasserman of The Cook Political Report writes.
Photoshop is so great. In the old days, political observers had to spend weeks carving a metaphor like this into wooden slabs and delivering them to the frontier people via stagecoach.
His struggles have jeopardized the Republicans’ Senate majority and will probably lead to further Democratic gains in the House. “It would be a pleasant surprise if we only lost 10 House seats,” one Republican member of Congress told The Cook Political Report.
I have an idea. Let's deliver an unpleasant surprise on November 3rd. With love. (And, if there's no objection, a bag or two of flaming poo.)
JEERS to today’s edition of The Devil Wears Prada Robes. With Democrats boycotting the proceedings, Lindsey Graham and his merry Republican band of Senate Judiciary Committee court packers sent the nomination of a generic cookie-cutter Federalist Society cultist with ladyparts to be approved by the full chamber in time to cancel the results of the 2020 election, destroy health care in America, outlaw abortion rights, send LGBTQ Americans back into the shadows, destroy the climate even more, elevate Christianity above all other religions or non-religions, dismantle Social Security, and still be home in time to subserviently prepare a traditional meal of pot roast and potatoes for her husband and get her kids to bed by 9. Or……...maybe not:
Make offer: no court expansion if Republicans leave RBG’s seat open. Otherwise, 15-seat liberal-dominated court next year. https://t.co/RQ95UXSyUH
CHEERS to World Peace...or something like it. Tomorrow is United Nations Day. On October 24, 1945, the U.N. charter took effect. Their mission:
» To save succeeding generations from the scourge of war, which twice in our lifetime has brought untold sorrow to mankind.
“People, people! Can’t we all just get along???”
» To reaffirm faith in fundamental human rights, in the dignity and worth of the human person, in the equal rights of men and women and of nations large and small.
» To establish conditions under which justice and respect for the obligations arising from treaties and other sources of international law can be maintained.
» To promote social progress and better standards of life in larger freedom.
Which, when translated for the Republican Party, means: "To enact Agenda 21 when America least expects it and turn all our golf courses into gay Muslim indoctrination camps that replace our precious bodily fluids with zombie juice." And they say liberals are the stoners?
CHEERS to gauzy gams. On this date in 1939, nylon stockings went on sale for the first time, in Wilmington, Delaware: Here is how a newspaper article described the frenzy:
Customers were lined three deep at the counters most of the day. Many of them were men and many were from out-of-town, although the sale was limited to three pairs per customer and supposedly to Delaware residents.
Four thousand pair were sold the first day. Three thousand to women and one thousand to bank robbers.
CHEERS to home vegetation. Here's a brief rundown of some of the boob-tubage on this weekend. Tonight we'll check in with Chris Hayes, Rachel Maddow and Lawrence O'Donnell as usual, peeking occasionally at game 3 of the tied-up World Series (Fox, 8pm). At 9, Smoothie King CEO Wan Kim gets his time in the makeup chair to become the latest Undercover Boss.
Just saying the word “baseball” these days lowers my blood pressure. Game three is tonight.
The most popular home videos, including the Borat sequel starring Rudy the Hotel Room Tucker, are all reviewed here at Rotten Tomatoes. The NFL schedule is here, and games 4 and 5 (if necessary) of the World Series are tomorrow and Sunday night. Adele hosts SNL, which I believe the United States Constitution requires you to watch. (It's Adele, people.)
Sunday brings presidential politics to 60 Minutes, with the Trump interview already leaked by the crybaby White House. (Actual sample dialogue: Trump: Of course you did." Stahl: "No, I didn’t." Trump: "Of course, you did." Stahl: "No, I didn’t.") Plus interviews with Joe Biden, Kamala Harris, and a walking bottle of Sominex with white hair. No John Oliver Sunday night, but there is a new episode of Who Wants to Be A Millionaire, which to me these days is like Whose Line Is It Anyway? and original Star Trek reruns: comfort food for the election season-addled brain.
Now here's your Sunday morning lineup:
Meet the Press: Biden’s Deputy Campaign Manager and Communications Director Kate Bedingfield; Sen. Sherrod Brown (D-OH); Rep. Denver Riggleman (Trump Cult-CO); Trump cultist Corey Lewandowski.
Sunday morning on CNN: Pelosi and Ocasio-Cortez leave some Jake Tapper teeth on the floor.
Face the Nation: Atlanta Mayor Keisha Lance Bottoms (D); incompetent National Security Adviser Robert O’Brien; Gov. Asa Hutchinson (R-Trump Cult); fresh battleground state polls.
CNN's State of theUnion: Current House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-CA); future House Speaker Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY).
This Week: Oh god. Martha Raddatz sits down to talk with voters, half of whom will probably turn out to be GOP operatives. You’ve been warned.
Fox GOP Talking Points Sunday: Mitt Mitt Romney’s niece the Trump Cult National Committee chair Ronna McRomney; Rapper/activist Ice Cube, recently criticized for palling around with terrorists (aka the Trump administration).
Happy viewing!
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Ten years ago in C&J:October 23, 2010
CHEERS to fresh Air. One of our "Who won the week?" candidates tonight is Apple, for the introduction of its new line of MacBook Air laptops. Pretty spiffy, but—HORRORS:
Neither model includes a hard drive or DVD player.
Already 10 years old.
Instead, the MacBook Air uses what's called flash storage, a more efficient but pricier technology used in many of the company's other portable products. … This flash memory helps the new MacBook Air achieve between five and seven hours of battery life when surfing the Web, and 30 days of standby time. That also allows the computer to turn on almost instantly.
Not to be outdone, Microsoft plans to unveil an exciting new operating system soon called MS Pull Out Your Hair. It takes 5 to 7 hours to get your first virus, and 30 days to reach a live tech-support rep.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to climbing back on the wagon. Every year at this time I challenge myself to give up my worst addiction: candy corn. I love the stuff—in stews, soups, casseroles, salads, and sometimes even straight out of the bag. My brain thinks that candy corn is a gift from God for which we are just barely worthy. But my pancreas is thinking, "Have you no decency, sir? At long last have you left no sense of dietary decency?" So I owe it to myself to give it the old college try, cold-turkey style. I've got my stopwatch with me, and I'm hoping to beat my old record of…[opens tattered 49-year-old record book]…1.7 seconds without eating candy corn. So let's do this! Ready, set, GO...
Tick tock, tick…
[Nom nom nom nom nom nom NomNom NOMNOMNOM!!!]
…tock.
1.67 seconds. Better than last year but still disappointing. Oh well—maybe we'll try again during Lent.
Have a great weekend. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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